sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
