I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
