sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize