I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
