but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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