shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
