we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm really busy with my period
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
