So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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