And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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