chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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