I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
