Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize