just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
