Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
