im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
