His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
