Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
