No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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