I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize