so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
