I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
