he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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