Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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