Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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