No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
