i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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