Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
