At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
