It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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