Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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