the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
