So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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