Just fell off a train. Bad.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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