I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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