So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
