if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
