Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
