I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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