almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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