Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
