Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
