That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
