if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize