My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
