She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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