So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
