Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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