Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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