you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
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she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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