You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
