a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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