I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
