Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
