dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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