I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
