My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
