There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
