so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it's like heaven, but drunker
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
