so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
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the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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