And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
