Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We had to coat check the pizza.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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